We all must have noticed that in life around that even in the most tragic and heart-wrenching situations, there would be a person who seems unconcerned, unaffected by the circumstances. He is a person, as it appears is someone who will never take life seriously. For him the life is just another joke, to be laughed away. No doubt humour does add spice to life, and it kind of smoothens the rough edges in the machine of life. It may appear that such people fritter away their precious lives in this casual and careless manner.
But everyone misses the tragedy behind the veneer of this joking, jovial, and apparently careless carefree human. People laugh at his antics, lighten their hearts and move on leaving him behind entrapped in his miseries. He feels that by sharing his joy they may share his misery. Everyone eats away the cake but no one bothers about the dirty old oven, that was on fire for hours, to bake the cake.
This is how life is, or is that how, life supposed to be ?
Contributed by: Kainaat Creations
Lovers' quarrels
One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and giggling with all your might. Then a few minutes later, you begin yelling and berating each other and a lover's quarrel is already in progress. A little bantering was all it took to stoke up a rising emotional tension.
Every now and then, no matter how close and intimate a couple is, an argument occasionally looms to create a tide in the relationship. Although sometimes it shakes a relationship down to its very core, if handled well, it is healthy and can help create lasting relationships. Here is a list of what couples like you usually argue about and what you should do whenever you are faced with another petty bickering.
Jealousy
Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It is not negative in itself. How people react to jealous feelings make it negative. Usually, jealousy stems from the lack of trust or lack of assurance from one's partner. It can also come from a low self-image or an inferiority complex. If you are the jealous one, learn to act by reason and not by emotion. Your jealousy is just a product of your own mental-emotional patterns that only exist in your head. Just because your lover admired something about another person, does not mean that you are loved any less, or that the person is more attractive than you are. Voice out how you feel to your partner so that you can discuss things and he can help you alleviate your jealousy. If your partner is the green-eyed monster, assure him of your devotion and reassure him of his innate worth as your love mate. Perhaps your partner needs more attention and affection than you are giving him.
Individual Differences
When you first met, it may be the similarities you found with each other that instantly created the bond and rapport. However, as you knew each other better, it is your differences that potentially fashioned the strength of your relationship. Hence, it is important that you value the differences that make you unique as a couple. Perhaps, there might be times when you may want to change your partner into your view of his potential. However, even if you would succeed in your crusade, chances are you would lose respect for him for allowing you to have done it and for not having the personal strength to be him. So it is better that you both learn to compromise and meet halfway every time a conflict surges. Be ready to recognize each other's weaknesses and learn to appreciate what the other has to offer. Instead of seeing yourselves as separate individuals, practise seeing each other as an aspect of yourselves. In this way, you shatter the illusion of separation and bridge the gap that's keeping you asunder.
Unfulfilled Expectations
When a dispute recurs but too many times like a bad case of athlete's foot but you have no clue as to what's really causing the problem, odds are it was because your partner did not meet your expectations or he didn't meet yours. When expectations are not met, a spat usually ushers in. Depending on the expectations you may want to concede in your relationship, it is highly commendable that you bring your expectations upfront from the very start of the relationship. Determine which expectations are most important to you and which are most important to your partner. Spend some time tossing around what you both desire and need from the relationship and what you must have and will not tolerate from each other. Remember, love works best when it involves both give and take.
You're-Wrong-I'm-Right Attitude
Instincts often tell us not to give up and admit defeat in times of disagreements especially if we are certain that we are right. Nevertheless, to think about it, does it really matter, who is right and who is not? In a relationship, it is never good to assert too much, if it means you could hurt your partner. Let go of having to "be right!" If you must speak up, do it lovingly. Never tell your partner that he is wrong straight in the face. If you do this, you may just stir a storm in a teacup and set about a violent outburst. Instead of having to be RIGHT, decide with your mate that it is more important to be HAPPY. Discuss in loving way areas of mutual concern then agree on certain terms so that you prevent yourselves from meshing with future disagreements.
Money Matters
When you're going through the honeymoon phase of your relationship, money may not be much of an issue. Nonetheless, as the relationship progresses, power struggles and control issues around money may just start surfacing. This creates tension that if not resolved, can put a serious damper on the relationship. Where critical differences exist in your financial expectations, try to negotiate. Work out a way of managing your finances that gives you both some control. In any case, if one is earning more than the other, he/she shouldn't hold all the control because even if the other is contributing less in the financial aspect, that does not mean he/she is contributing any less in other areas of the relationship. Over all of this, if there are still issues, sit and talk things over. Discussion and cooperation may not confer instant solutions to difficult financial issues, but knowing you and your partner agree about how to approach the situation will help maintain the zing in your relationship.
Arguments by nature are difficult and can even be hurtful and frustrating. Yet, they are a normal natural aspect of any relationship. Like the salt to meat dishes, they add flavour to the lives of couples and help build better relationships. On the other hand, if disputes are poorly handled, they can also potentially wreck a strong relationship. So, in order to avoid this, every disagreement should be carefully handled in a way that would boost relationship satisfaction and pave the way for new growth together. Truly, it is fun to fight and make up (and out) after knowing you have worked together through it all.
Contributed by: Rachelle Arlin Credo
Every now and then, no matter how close and intimate a couple is, an argument occasionally looms to create a tide in the relationship. Although sometimes it shakes a relationship down to its very core, if handled well, it is healthy and can help create lasting relationships. Here is a list of what couples like you usually argue about and what you should do whenever you are faced with another petty bickering.
Jealousy
Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It is not negative in itself. How people react to jealous feelings make it negative. Usually, jealousy stems from the lack of trust or lack of assurance from one's partner. It can also come from a low self-image or an inferiority complex. If you are the jealous one, learn to act by reason and not by emotion. Your jealousy is just a product of your own mental-emotional patterns that only exist in your head. Just because your lover admired something about another person, does not mean that you are loved any less, or that the person is more attractive than you are. Voice out how you feel to your partner so that you can discuss things and he can help you alleviate your jealousy. If your partner is the green-eyed monster, assure him of your devotion and reassure him of his innate worth as your love mate. Perhaps your partner needs more attention and affection than you are giving him.
Individual Differences
When you first met, it may be the similarities you found with each other that instantly created the bond and rapport. However, as you knew each other better, it is your differences that potentially fashioned the strength of your relationship. Hence, it is important that you value the differences that make you unique as a couple. Perhaps, there might be times when you may want to change your partner into your view of his potential. However, even if you would succeed in your crusade, chances are you would lose respect for him for allowing you to have done it and for not having the personal strength to be him. So it is better that you both learn to compromise and meet halfway every time a conflict surges. Be ready to recognize each other's weaknesses and learn to appreciate what the other has to offer. Instead of seeing yourselves as separate individuals, practise seeing each other as an aspect of yourselves. In this way, you shatter the illusion of separation and bridge the gap that's keeping you asunder.
Unfulfilled Expectations
When a dispute recurs but too many times like a bad case of athlete's foot but you have no clue as to what's really causing the problem, odds are it was because your partner did not meet your expectations or he didn't meet yours. When expectations are not met, a spat usually ushers in. Depending on the expectations you may want to concede in your relationship, it is highly commendable that you bring your expectations upfront from the very start of the relationship. Determine which expectations are most important to you and which are most important to your partner. Spend some time tossing around what you both desire and need from the relationship and what you must have and will not tolerate from each other. Remember, love works best when it involves both give and take.
You're-Wrong-I'm-Right Attitude
Instincts often tell us not to give up and admit defeat in times of disagreements especially if we are certain that we are right. Nevertheless, to think about it, does it really matter, who is right and who is not? In a relationship, it is never good to assert too much, if it means you could hurt your partner. Let go of having to "be right!" If you must speak up, do it lovingly. Never tell your partner that he is wrong straight in the face. If you do this, you may just stir a storm in a teacup and set about a violent outburst. Instead of having to be RIGHT, decide with your mate that it is more important to be HAPPY. Discuss in loving way areas of mutual concern then agree on certain terms so that you prevent yourselves from meshing with future disagreements.
Money Matters
When you're going through the honeymoon phase of your relationship, money may not be much of an issue. Nonetheless, as the relationship progresses, power struggles and control issues around money may just start surfacing. This creates tension that if not resolved, can put a serious damper on the relationship. Where critical differences exist in your financial expectations, try to negotiate. Work out a way of managing your finances that gives you both some control. In any case, if one is earning more than the other, he/she shouldn't hold all the control because even if the other is contributing less in the financial aspect, that does not mean he/she is contributing any less in other areas of the relationship. Over all of this, if there are still issues, sit and talk things over. Discussion and cooperation may not confer instant solutions to difficult financial issues, but knowing you and your partner agree about how to approach the situation will help maintain the zing in your relationship.
Arguments by nature are difficult and can even be hurtful and frustrating. Yet, they are a normal natural aspect of any relationship. Like the salt to meat dishes, they add flavour to the lives of couples and help build better relationships. On the other hand, if disputes are poorly handled, they can also potentially wreck a strong relationship. So, in order to avoid this, every disagreement should be carefully handled in a way that would boost relationship satisfaction and pave the way for new growth together. Truly, it is fun to fight and make up (and out) after knowing you have worked together through it all.
Contributed by: Rachelle Arlin Credo
The System
Being good enough to make it- you might even say it is unnecessary. It is not about who deserves and who is not. There is a system of accreditation, through which you pass through, to successfully to make it. It can cause you to compromise on the way you wanted to make it but you are going to have to pass through the system if you want to make it anyway. Going through the system is the only way you can make it.
The system does not give you credit on merit. It has a predefined list of things that you can do for getting credits. This list is too general to cater to the development of the individual with the diversity of each of our specific abilities. If we were clever enough to realize that the credit would do us good, we would get the credit giving it first priority. That credit gives us the respect we need from people who can "get us there". Beyond a point, qualification, achievement, capacity and ability lose value and that respect takes us there. How you get it doesn't matter because once you get it, you are given charge and then you're free of the system and you can then handle matters how you wish to.
Through the system, we achieve our goals but it makes us compromise on our true essence in cases when there is a conflict of interest. We end up wasting the time when we have the most potential by earning our way up the system. We get through it by the time that time is over and a lot of time gets wasted in-between.
Because they say that every pleasure got its edge of pain, we should not make it so. The trouble we sometimes go through to enjoy happiness makes us unable to make the whole process worthwhile. The system passes on a lot of regret and unhappiness from one generation to the next. In any case, this price has to be paid. Everyone from the previous generation goes through the process and we have to go through it too compromising and giving something or the other up.
Are the future generations going to keep on regretting? Are dreams going to be a heavily priced commodity forever and ever? For how long will the regret go on? Is it too late too ask this question? Is it for us now, this generation, to refuse to take that regret on? Where will it go then? It cannot vanish into oblivion. Someone has to suffer that to happen. Who will? Are people willing to forget and forgo all that having to regret makes them lose in the end?
The system makes us depend on it (because it determines our success) and then when we have passed through it, all stripped of our strength, we depend on it to move on further. What we lost through it, we do not allow the next generation to have or attain by pushing them through the system to lose the same. The system can only be disabled if we do not allow it define our rise up towards our goals. If it has to be gone through anyway, for what we lose through compromises we should not blame it but press on until it breaks- at least for us. If we have what it takes, we will make it. What "gets us there" will be our own merit and abilities and we wont have anyone to oblige and nothing to regret to blame anyone or anything in the end.
Contributed by: Sunil Noronha
The system does not give you credit on merit. It has a predefined list of things that you can do for getting credits. This list is too general to cater to the development of the individual with the diversity of each of our specific abilities. If we were clever enough to realize that the credit would do us good, we would get the credit giving it first priority. That credit gives us the respect we need from people who can "get us there". Beyond a point, qualification, achievement, capacity and ability lose value and that respect takes us there. How you get it doesn't matter because once you get it, you are given charge and then you're free of the system and you can then handle matters how you wish to.
Through the system, we achieve our goals but it makes us compromise on our true essence in cases when there is a conflict of interest. We end up wasting the time when we have the most potential by earning our way up the system. We get through it by the time that time is over and a lot of time gets wasted in-between.
Because they say that every pleasure got its edge of pain, we should not make it so. The trouble we sometimes go through to enjoy happiness makes us unable to make the whole process worthwhile. The system passes on a lot of regret and unhappiness from one generation to the next. In any case, this price has to be paid. Everyone from the previous generation goes through the process and we have to go through it too compromising and giving something or the other up.
Are the future generations going to keep on regretting? Are dreams going to be a heavily priced commodity forever and ever? For how long will the regret go on? Is it too late too ask this question? Is it for us now, this generation, to refuse to take that regret on? Where will it go then? It cannot vanish into oblivion. Someone has to suffer that to happen. Who will? Are people willing to forget and forgo all that having to regret makes them lose in the end?
The system makes us depend on it (because it determines our success) and then when we have passed through it, all stripped of our strength, we depend on it to move on further. What we lost through it, we do not allow the next generation to have or attain by pushing them through the system to lose the same. The system can only be disabled if we do not allow it define our rise up towards our goals. If it has to be gone through anyway, for what we lose through compromises we should not blame it but press on until it breaks- at least for us. If we have what it takes, we will make it. What "gets us there" will be our own merit and abilities and we wont have anyone to oblige and nothing to regret to blame anyone or anything in the end.
Contributed by: Sunil Noronha
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